Chasing the Blackbird
by SmilingForTheSun
Summary: Hard yaoi. Makoto has been struggling to keep in his feelings towards his best friend, but after walking in on a heated scene between new found Rin and his beloved Haru, he doesn't know what to think anymore. He decides to punish himself for falling so hopelessly in love. Eventual Makoharu. Soumako lemon and some Rinharu action.
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing the Blackbird**

_Fuck you Haruka. I hate you. Rot in hell._

I pushed my groin into the large thigh of the boy in front of me, humping the meat of his leg.

_It's all your fault, Haru._

I nuzzled my face into his neck and lapped at the sweat that was perspiring off his body. I trailed my fingers across his muscular physique in an attempt to get him to hurry up; to bend me over and make love to me faster. I couldn't wait. I needed it. I needed to drown myself in pleasure, in pain, in embarrassment, in humiliation. Yes, humiliation. So much humiliation.

I could sense the guy smirking down at me, almost ridiculing my pathetic attempt at what you could call seducing. If I weren't in the sexed up state I was currently in, if I was just some random Joe passing through the school's storage building, I'd be laughing my ass off right about now. Seeing a tall, broad shouldered, muscular guy like me rubbing at the bigger body of the most popular jock at the high school.

I was almost failing in my attempt to turn him on, to make him want my body as much as I wanted his. But as hard as I was trying to win his sexual desires over, it was nothing more than that. I didn't like him. Not in the least. He was just a random guy at school I picked to use as a way to release my anger, my hatred, and my unsatisfied carnal desires towards a certain dark haired male.

_It's all your fault . . . _

I trailed flirtatious kisses along his jawline, flicking my tongue lightly as I went. I pushed more persistently into his hips when I felt a commotion begin to arise in his lower body. He placed sadistic hands around the cushion of my rear and brought my wriggling body even closer to his. He began nudging his hips against mine in unison. I smiled stupidly at my petty achievement.

_I've finally won him over. See that, Haru? Can you see how messed up I am? _

"Damn, you're one stubborn bastard," the jock chuckled before grabbing the back of my head and forcibly shoving his lips on mine. I moaned into his mouth. I was so turned on. My body was bursting with the purest bliss.

"Please," I breathed into his collar bone, "Take me."

_What do you think, Haru? Would you even recognize me like this?_

The guy laughed this time. How stupid I must have sounded, sending such disagreeable words his way. Even so, I made lazy, pleading eyes into his own, and fumbled with shaking fingers at his belt.

_Maybe he can whip me with this . . . yes. I'd like that. Maybe next time._

"Take your pants off."

I complied willingly, dancing sensually out of the garment.

_This isn't me._

I turned around and lowered myself to my knees, spreading my legs wide and arching my back downwards. The position was outright absurd.

_Do you think its fair Haru? Causing me to do things like this?_

I heard him mutter random nonsense that I didn't care to listen to. His belt was torn off and tossed to the side. There was an unzipping of his pants and the rustling of fabric as he pulled them down. There was no need for preparation. I didn't want any. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted him to tear through my body until it bled. I craved the excruciating pain I was about to receive, more than anything in this sweaty, sinful moment.

He was the eighth guy this week, and it was only getting better and better. The more men I got, the better the pain felt. The more I drowned myself in these unsatisfying endeavors, the easier I thought I could forget what I saw at Haruka Nanase's home that day after school.

But that wasn't the case. Not at all.

I couldn't forget. I never would. In fact, the memories only became more vivid. They replayed before my eyes like an unforgettable 3D movie that was just released in theaters after a many months wait. Except that this was the greatest of horror films ever created.

I opened the bathroom door slightly expecting to find my friend alone in his tub. Why would it be any different than usual? But it was.

I wasn't prepared to see a naked boy sprawled out on the bathroom floor with legs spread out to the sides. His body was wet from a mix of shower water and sweat. He was panting loudly in response to the forceful thrusts that were pounding into him. He couldn't get enough.

He moaned quietly, almost sweetly, "Rin. Rin. Ah! It feels so good. Harder, Rin." His cries and tiny whimpers urged the redhead teen above him to quicken his pace. He rammed harder and more forcefully into the horny, yet so perfectly sexy body of the dark haired teen below him. Guttural, savage grunts escaped his parted lips after each vigorous push into the boy's abdomen.

Haru's face was like I'd never seen before. I could see how good he felt, how delicious the situation was to him. His face was flushed with the most magnificent pink I'd ever seen on his usually passive face. There was so much emotion. His eyebrows were perked up, while eyelids fluttered like the wings of a butterfly. His mouth, glistening with saliva, opened and closed, letting out the occasional angelic cry.

It was so foreign to me. I didn't even know who I was looking at. Haru, my best friend, the most emotionless person I'd ever known in my lifetime, was emitting a wealth of passion. His being was consumed by lust. And he looked so . . . erotic. I couldn't help being panged with jealously.

At the time, a small part of me was almost pleased. To find out that the person I'd harbored homosexual feelings for was the same as me, aching for the attention of another male.

Before that day, I would lie in my room and curse myself for these troubling feelings. I was such a good kid, so mellow and normal. But then . . . after puberty, I couldn't keep ignoring my perverted thoughts about him.

My lower body yearned for my friend in ways I could have never imagined. I hated myself for becoming like this, knowing full well that my feelings would never be mutual. I released myself in solitude. Masturbating to him was such a shameful thing to do, but I couldn't help it.

All I wanted was Haru. To touch him, to hold him, to kiss him, to love him unconditionally. But I never would. That fact became clear in the few seconds I saw of the scandalous affair between my two friends.

**I was a hunter, chasing after the most beautiful of blackbirds, one that I would never catch no matter how hard I tried.**

I always knew. Some part of me always knew that they sheltered feelings for one another. When Rin became friends with us again, Haru opened up. He was clearly happier than before, and it was all because of the boastful, attractive presence of the red haired Rin Matsuoka. It caused thorns to coil around my heart and puncture the crying organ.

But no one ever noticed how I felt. I kept it all in. After all, I had to keep up the strong, sincere disposition I was known for. I'm Makoto. The good guy. The friend who will always be there for you no matter what. Except, I'm human too, so I can't always be strong.

And that was precisely why I was currently selling myself to some random senior from school. Though, I'm not quite sure why I got into the habit of punishing myself by being taken. I never saw myself as being the bottom in a relationship such as this. It just happened. There was more pain involved, more humiliation. And that's exactly what I wanted.

So I answered his assaults with delight and smiled sunshine when he finished. He pushed me aside and swaggered to his shorts. After a quick call to a girlfriend or someone to pick him up from school, he exited the building without a single word my way.

"It was fun," I said to no one.

_Yeah right. It was pathetic._

I foolishly blamed my pitiful actions on Haru. Why? I'm not sure. It's not like he knew how I felt. Before last week I was sure he would never like guys in the first place, so why was I mad at him after realizing he does?

_Cus' he likes Rin. That's why._

I cleaned myself off with some tissues from my backpack and put my pants back on. I checked the time on my phone. 5:43.

"Shoot. I forgot mom and dad won't be home tonight to make dinner for Ren and Ran."

I hurried out of the storehouse and sprinted home as fast I could. Even though I was in such a disastrous time for myself, my siblings' stayed at the top of my priority list. _They're the last two people in the world I could bear to disappoint. _

_But . . . how much longer can I keep fooling Haru that I'm alright? _

* * *

**Note:** I feel like this is worth continuing but I have no idea how many people would even take the time to read this. I just love Makoto! I was touched by his jealousy in episode six of eternal summer. So I wrote this!


	2. Chapter 2

**A New Friend . . . With Benefits**

We had a joint practice with Samezuka Academy the next day.

My body was too sore and worn out to swim for very long. I just barely convinced the team that I had overworked my body at the gym over the weekend. Rei pretty much believed what I said, but Nagisa didn't fall for it in the slightest. He patted my shoulder before going back to mess with Nitori and mouthed silently, _you better tell me later!_

I rubbed my neck and smiled at him awkwardly.

I couldn't lie to him, but if I smiled enough and acted like the same happy Makoto as usual, Nagisa would eventually forget about it.

Haru was a different case.

He had been watching me intently all day, from the moment we left his house in the morning to the second we finished school for the day. It's like he knew. No. I was _positive_ he knew.

And what bothered me the most was that no matter how hard I tried to act like the same person I've always been, he looked at me like I had turned into a ghost. It didn't matter how arduously I labored to keep my smile on my face. He knew.

Haru's always been like that. He's always been able to see right through me like a window to the outside. He could see every rose bush, every leaf, every buzzing bee, and the tiniest little details on the butterfly's wings. But he would have to settle for my lies, even if he knew they were just that. I'd let him watch the leaves fall, but he wouldn't know if it was autumn or whether the tree had died. I'd let him gaze curiously at the butterfly, but he would no longer be able to see what color it was.

And that was it. I could no longer allow anyone to see the real me anymore; at least no one I cared about.

**He would stay as the beautiful blackbird, watching cautiously from afar, and flutter his wings once he got bored. **

_He'll leave me eventually . . . I'm sure of it. _

It's true. I began counting down the days after I saw him on the floor with Rin.

I could see them now. Rin was messing around with him like an idiot in the pool, splashing him and such. Haru was smiling just slightly, and splashed the redhead back from annoyance before diving back into the water. Rin followed suit. They eventually made it to the other side of the pool and continued their stupid and obvious flirting.

I looked down and stared at my feet.

That's when I felt a presence next to me.

"Pisses you off, doesn't it?" a deep voice quietly resounded from above me.

I looked up. It was Sousuke, the new guy on Rin's team swimming butterfly. We hadn't spoken much at all since our teams had become close.

My voice almost cracked, "What was that?"

He slid his back on the wall and sat down to the right of me. He had just gotten out of the pool, so he was soaking wet.

I followed his eyesight. They were on Rin and Haru.

He spoke again, "I said doesn't it piss you off? Seeing those two like that, acting like bitches."

I darted my gaze between him and our teammates. "I mean . . . I guess."

Sousuke looked at me. His eyes locked on mine. He smirked, "Come on. At least tell me you agree that it looks gay as shit."

I looked down at my feet and chuckled, "Yeah I guess it kind of does."

"But you don't have a problem with that stuff, right?" he responded too quickly.

My head snapped up and I stared at him wide eyed.

_How does he know? How did he find out? No . . . no no no. He has to be playing around!_

_Okay quit it, Makoto. Act natural. _

I cleared my throat, "Ha ha . . . nice joke! I had no idea you were this funny, Sousuke."

He raised an eyebrow. "And I had no idea you were that far in the closet."

_Damn it._

I was definitely getting flustered. "Okay um . . . stop. Sorry. I mean . . . how did you . . .?"

"Find out?"

I covered my cheeks. _No! I can't be blushing! _I looked over at Haru, who was now getting out of the pool and drying his hair. _Did he tell Haru?_

I could feel Sousuke staring at me. I didn't want to look up. _Is he going to motion Haru over and tell him? Or is he going to yell out to everyone in the room that I'm gay? Stay calm, Makoto . . . just stay calm . . . No, I can't stay calm!_

My thoughts blurted out in a whisper, "Please don't tell anyone. Please, Sousuke."

Silence.

I glanced up at him.

His face was calm. So composed. He was just looking at me. 'Looking', in its most basic definition. There was no surprise. It was like I hadn't just admitted to him that I'm gay.

Our staring contest went on for a little longer, but it stopped when he leaned his head back on the wall and closed his eyes.

He sighed, "I haven't told anyone if that's what you're worrying about. I wasn't sure if you liked guys or not until now."

"Well it's not just-"

He cut me off, "Any guy. I know. You really like Nanase, don't you?"

My uneasiness started to fade away. He didn't seem like he was phased by any of this. "Yeah, I have for a while now. He has no idea I'm gay."

"Does he know that you know he's gay?"

I shook my head, "No, he has no idea."

"I saw them making out in the bathroom last week."

Sousuke peeked at me, probably to see how I would react. I guessed he knew that that would get to me. He continued, "That's how I found out. Plus Rin always acts so bitchy around him. All happy and excited. It pisses me off."

The first thought that popped up into my head spewed out, "So you like Rin!"

Sousuke shoved me, "Shut the fuck up. You're too damn loud."

I smiled. His cheeks were the lightest shade of pink.

"Dude," he shook his head, "don't smile like that. That some gay shit."

I apologized, "Sorry. It's just relieving to know there's more people like me."

He stood up. Practice had ended and everyone was going to the locker room. I followed behind him.

He tossed me a towel, "What do you mean, 'like me?'"

"As in . . . jealous. We're both jealous."

By the time we got to the locker room, the attendance was dwindling quickly. Most of the guys had already packed up, showered and left. The two guys we harbored feelings for left soon after with Nagisa and Rei, leaving us alone, with Rin's arms draped around Haru's neck.

I dressed quickly. I was angry from what I had just seen and wanted to get home as soon as possible to masturbate and most likely cry. I was about to open the door to leave, but as hard as I pulled, it wouldn't open.

"Sousuke . . ."

I knew he was there. He had come up behind me when I wasn't paying attention. He must have been incredibly quiet about it, too. Otherwise, I doubt I would have ended up with Sousuke's large body behind me, with both arms on either side of me, holding the door closed.

I whispered, "Did I forget something?"

His hands moved from the door to my waist, and slid down my sides to my hips. He pressed his chest into my back, and pulled my ass into the growing bulge in his pants. I could feel how big it was.

I turned my face to the side and rubbed my cheek against his. I breathed out, "Are you sure its Rin you really want?"

He groaned quietly, "Yeah but you're the only one I can have right now. We should just have sex . . . imagine its Rin, and for you Haru."

I kissed his cheek, "Haru wouldn't be the one on top if we were actually together."

He started dry humping my ass. Slowly . . . sensually . . . I could feel how badly he wanted it. His dick felt huge.

His fingers slid down to grope my erection. "We can switch every now and then," he breathed into my ear. "Although I've never been a bottom. You'd have to teach me."

It was getting difficult to breathe normally, what with him touching me the way he was. "I'd love to. But you're a little too horny for your own good."

He slid my pants down. "Don't pretend you aren't the only one. Bend over."

I bent over, my hands on the door.

His hands were caressing my rear. He gently squeezed it, before kneeling down behind me and going away at me with his mouth. I wasn't completely against him taking the time to prepare me. I don't think he really wanted to stop and look for lube, if there was any. His tongue and fingers actually felt pretty good.

We didn't say much after that. Just moans and breaths and grunts.

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

"Shit . . . Haru, I think I'm going to come soon."

Rin grabbed his partner's hips, who was riding him backwards, and helped his exhausted partner continue to take in his sizable erection. Haru had already come moments before, and was suffering from the aftereffects of his orgasm. His legs had almost given up.

"Come on Haru, slam that ass on me. Damn that's hot. It's shaking so much. Just a little longer . . ."

"Rin . . ." Haru could barely get out, "Please, I don't know if I can go on anymore."

Rin smirked, "Baby, you're already so full of dick. Just make me come. I need to fill you more."

That's when Haru felt it. He went down on Rin one last time, taking in all his boyfriend had to give.

"Holy . . . shit." Rin finished. He pulled his uke off of him slightly and watched his semen slowly drip out of Haru's ass. He licked his lips savagely before falling back on the bed to rest.

The dark haired teen climbed off his boyfriend and somehow managed to stumble to the bathroom to clean himself off.

When he came back to his room, Rin was laid out on his bed with his eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping.

He joined Rin on the bed and asked, "How are you?"

Rin opened one eye. He grinned lazily, "In love."

_In love . . ._

The redhead took the other's hand in his and kissed it gently. He left it against his lips. "You're beautiful, Haru. I never thought you'd be so good at sex. You're exactly what I want in a guy. Just the right amount of muscle, but still relatively lean. I love this body."

Haru smoothed his free hand over his partner's bear chest, "Thank you."

Rin sat up and leaned in to kiss Haru. He placed his hand against the other's chest. "What does mine feel like?" he asked.

Haru was a little confused, "I guess warm."

Rin chuckled, "That's good. That's how it should feel. I'm in love with you."

"Rin . . . um, could you not be upset if I told you I need a little more time? I'm sorry. It's only been a few weeks and all . . ." he lowered his head.

"Hey," Rin nudged his boyfriend's face back up, "Don't be like that. I completely understand. Just know that I love you, and I'm waiting for you, okay?" He smiled genuinely, his pointed teeth peeking out just slightly.

Haru fell into him, welcoming Rin's toned, protective arms around him. "Okay."

"I'm really glad you aren't into Makoto or something. I always thought you two were really close. He looks at you like he's in love with you."

Haru got up then to get dressed. He was getting cold. "No. Makoto just looks like that. He isn't gay."

Rin sighed and watched him get dressed, "Well I fucking hope so. I'd flip shit if I found out he wants your ass."

Haru stopped moving and glared at Rin, "Really? He's not gay. Don't worry about it."

"Come on, Haru! I'm playing. Anyways, what did you want to do?"

"I don't know . . . you always get bored with whatever I want to do."

Rin stood up to pull Haru into his arms again. "That's not true. Tell me what's wrong."

"You're talking shit about Makoto. He's my best friend, so stop."

The redhead cupped Haru's face in his hands. He kissed his forehead, "I just don't want anyone to steal you away from me. I stopped, okay? I brought him up because he looked down today. Nowhere near his usual performance. Did something happen to him?"

Rin began rocking them both circles, in a slow sort of dance, almost as if some solemn music was accompanying them in the background. He didn't care too much for an answer.

Haru could sense that Rin didn't care if he answered him or not. During their dance, he gazed longingly out the window. He caught sight of a butterfly. It was fluttering about and swaying to the imaginary music in the room, like it was yearning to come in and dance with him.

Haru enjoyed its company, how it waltzed around outside, craving for attention. He realized that the pitiful thing would most likely continue flitting about that widow, even if he stopped looking at it. He knew it would stay there and wait. It would stay there and chase him for eternity.

_Stop it, butterfly. Fly away and be happy. You deserve it._

He saw another one fly into the screen of the window. Now there were two.

_Look. You have a friend now._

The first one's wings stopped moving then, and it fell to the ground; dead.

Haru couldn't recall what color it was.

* * *

**Note:** I hope I didn't mess up with this chapter. Finally a glimpse of some other characters, I guess. I don't know whether I should have cut off the Soumako lemon or not . . .


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: **Epic SouMako lemon in this chapter. But I promise this will eventually have beautiful MakoHaru action!

* * *

**An Odd Sort of Help**

Here I am again . . . Sore. Beaten. Fucked. Worn out. Tied up. Blindfolded. Gagged. Used and thrown away like the trash that I am.

_Ha._

_Haha._

_HAHAHAHA._

_Funny. That's just how I like it._

I hear the storage room door slam shut. The last guy in today's group must have finally left.

I smile.

_Oh Haru, my sweet, beautiful angel Haru. If you only knew . . ._

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

A few hours later, the storage building's door creaked open. A person came in, searched around in the dim light, caught sight of me, and shut the door behind them.

He cleared his throat, "I honestly didn't know what to expect. But this? I had to bust my ass trying to find this school. Then I had to ask about fifteen million different people where I could find you. So tell me, why the hell is this what I was brought to? Damn it Makoto. The fuck are you doing to yourself? Don't you have classes to go to?"

I looked up at him. Sousuke. The guy I had sex with last night.

I hated it.

It wasn't satisfying. There was nothing. I felt nice, but that's not what I wanted.

What I said to him then came out like the devil was speaking through my lips, "Greedy bastard. You saw me last night . . . What, you couldn't get enough? Was my slutty ass too delicious for you? Hungry for more?"

Sousuke looked appalled. His face scrunched up and contorted in ways I never thought possible.

I smiled at him. Finally. What satisfying humiliation.

I wondered if he'd ever seen anything like this before: Another guy, almost just as tall and muscular as he, laid out on the floor with legs apart, staring sinisterly up at the ceiling, while the semen from four different guys was drying out on and inside his naked frame.

I hoped he would walk away. I hoped he would come up to me, stare disgustedly at the white crust around my lips, and turn away. I truly hoped this would be the last time I'd have to speak with Sousuke Yamazaki.

But of course, that was hardly the case.

After looking away at the other side of the room for a while, he turned back to me. His face was blank again. He walked towards me and stopped just inches from my feet.

He looked my body up and down.

I smirked, "Like what you see? Want another taste?"

He reached for my shirt on the ground and tossed it on me. "I want you to take a fucking shower. Have fun cleaning that shit out," he motioned between my legs.

"Shut the fuck up."

He grinned, "Acting all tough and seductive, are we? That look really doesn't suit you. I liked the sweet, thoughtful Makoto a bit better."

I made a sarcastic grin back at him, "Who's Makoto? That kid's a faggot. He can go die in a hole. Sweet, thoughtful people don't get regarded for shit."

"Uh huh. Of course. Just answer me honestly. If Haru saw you like this, right now, how do you think he'd react?"

I glared at him. I had finally come back to reality, because his words stabbed a stake through my heart.

The tears came fast.

"Just get out . . . I hate you. You weren't even that good at sex." I sounded like a five year old.

Sousuke kneeled down. He maneuvered himself so that his body was looming over me, with his hands and knees at my sides. In one quick movement, he forcefully grabbed at my wrists and pinned my arms above my head.

He breathed warm air into my ear, "Yeah I was. I promise you won't find anyone better. If its pain you want, I'll gladly give it to you. We won't just have sex. No. Not like last night. I'm going to _fuck_ you. If you can still walk, no, if you can still_ limp_ after I have my way with you, then that's when you can tell me I'm not good at sex. But trust me, that won't be the case. You'll be so used you won't even be able to sit down. What do you say . . . _bitch_?"

"Bastard," I mumbled up at him, "you know you could find someone else. Someone who isn't a whore."

He got up and pulled me up along with him. "Remember, it's not you I want. It's Rin. You're the easiest option for me currently. Now get dressed. We're going to your house."

"Why my house?"

Sousuke looked at me like I was an idiot. "Because you don't live in a fucking dorm room with a roommate who can come in whenever he wants."

I dressed, and we exited the building. "Aren't you missing classes?" I asked him.

"Yep. But I could care less. I wanted some ass."

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

A short blonde dropped his pencil and notebook suddenly on the grassy lawn of the school. "Haru? Oh my gosh, is that Makoto over there? It kind of looks like him! HEY, MAKOTO! " his high pitched voice shouted.

"Stop it, Nagisa. He can't hear you from here."

"Awh," he whined, "but where is he going? Who is that guy he's with? I can't tell."

Haru never got a good look at them before the said males took a right at the front entrance of the school. "I don't know. It wouldn't have been Makoto, though. You know him. He's in class like he always is."

Nagisa's face dropped, "But Haru . . . I didn't see him in school once today."

"What? You're joking." A faded image of a dead butterfly flashed before his eyes.

"Nope. Maybe he's sick? I guess he stayed home. Means that guy wasn't really Makoto. Let's visit him after school! AH HA! THAT'S IT! Rei, get over here!"

Their startled, glasses-clad friend turned to them. "What is it . . .? I thought we were working on our science project. Nagisa, I'm not going to do some impossible favor for you like I always do, if that's what you're getting at. I'm not your slave."

Nagisa strutted up to him, swaying his hips wide. "Rei," he said as he came up in front of him, "you'll do me a favor, won't you?" He spoke into his neck, nibbling at the thin flesh.

Rei gulped.

"Otherwise," the blonde whispered against his ear, "you won't get your special treat tonight."

Rei slumped to the ground. "Nagisa . . . dear god. Please. Not in school. Haru is right there . . ." he stole a glance at their dark haired friend scribbling passively into his notebook.

"Rei, I want you to go to the store after this class period and buy some strawberry covered chocolates. Makoto needs them for when we go to see him after school."

The taller and more built of the two boys tensed up uncomfortably. He looked up at his friend, "But Nagisa . . . I can't just leave school in the middle of the day. Makoto doesn't even like strawberry! That's what you like!"

Nagisa widened his eyes angrily. He lightly shoved his foot into Rei's chest. "No. Treat. _Ever. Again._"

Rei shot up from the ground and started running away from the school. "GOT IT. CHOCOLATES. SEE YOU IN TWENTY MINUTES."

Nagisa smirked and made a proud, superhero stance. "Ah, what a loyal little kitty he is. Right Haru? This means we can properly visits Makoto after school now! YAY!"

"Thanks, Nagisa."

The blonde tilted his head to the side, "Huh? For what? Just worried about our darling Makoto is all!"

_Yeah . . . me too, _Haru thought. _I guess I just won't be seeing Rin after school then. What will I tell him?_

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

"You look nice after you shower. All wet and drippy and clean . . . a blank canvas. I'll have to do all the work myself now, to make this body dirty all over again," Sousuke leaned into me, "but I kind of like the sound of that, don't you?"

I threw my damp towel angrily at him, "Shut up you pervert! Don't talk like that." He had a weird way of making me blush.

The towel fell off Sousuke's head then, dropping to my bedroom floor, revealing the dark, yet playful grin adorning his face.

In that instant, I was helplessly and without a doubt, _completely_ turned on.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into him, "You blush like a thirteen year old girl. Are you nervous or something? You do realize you were speaking to me in the exact same manner an hour ago. Now who's the pervert who wants me to fuck the shit out of him, huh?"

I tried wriggling away from him, "Stop it, Sousuke. I've been in a weird place recently. I'm not myself."

"Well you certainly won't be if you keep obsessing over a hopeless case like Nanase and selling your ass to random kids at your school. I suggest you leave all the fucking to me. After today, I promise you won't be displeased." His grip was astonishingly tight on me. I think I finally got a sense of how forceful he could potentially be.

But I didn't want to give into him yet. "Yeah I will. You don't give me what I want."

What happened next was so quick, so unexpected, because the next thing I knew Sousuke had reached around me and forced a finger inside my ass. The whole thing. Zero preparation.

"Makoto, sweetheart, repeat to me what you just said."

I gasped and fell onto him. My entire body was frozen, stuck in place. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hung here, practically clutching to him for dear life. No sounds would escape from my mouth because nothing would come out. I was so shocked. So pained. So fucking turned on that I couldn't think straight. The instantaneous discomfort was wondrous.

He somehow managed to force another one in, with the same speed as before. My mouth opened and closed suddenly, but air was the only thing that escaped from my parted lips.

He started laughing, "Ha! You can't even talk. What a desperate bitch! You sure Haru would really be the top in your imaginary relationship?"

I could feel his fingers probing and twisting inside me, slowly stretching me out. "Sousuke . . . please. No more. Don't talk."

He grabbed my face with his free hand and kissed me. It was forceful and dominating, going at a completely different pace as his fingers in my ass. I whimpered quietly.

He pulled back, licked around the edges of my lips, and breathed into my mouth, "I liked that sound. Let me hear you again." His fingers vanished from beneath me.

I rubbed myself on him, squirming around stupidly and whining like a kid, "No, put them back! Please . . . I'm so empty. Sousuke please!"

He smirked, "That's better." His hand found my erection and stroked at it for a few seconds, before taking a big step backwards, cutting off all physical contact with me.

I fell to the floor, breathing heavily, and grasped at my throbbing parts. I don't think I'd ever been hornier in my entire life. My whole body was trembling with lust.

"Damn it . . . you evil bastard. Just fuck me. Please, Sousuke. Make a mess of me," I begged while making pleading eyes at him.

He chuckled, "Looks like I already have." I liked the way he was looking down at me, like I was a toy or a cute puppy.

"Sousuke . . ." I begged again.

"Crawl to the bed and lay down on it with your ass almost hanging off the edge."

I nodded and moved quickly. I wanted him in me so bad. I wanted him to hurt me. I wanted it to remind me that I'd never get to be with Haru, that I was trash, that I was just a whore, that this whole time I've been selfish to have ever fallen in love with my best friend.

I crawled up onto my bed and fell back on it. Then I scooted myself to the edge. "Like this?" I asked him.

His lips curled upwards. He walked towards me, taking off his school uniform and dropping it on the floor. He stopped in front of me, stroking at his large penis that was hanging out of the top of his pants. They too, fell to the floor, leaving just his perfectly muscled body before me.

_He's so big . . . everything is big._

"Just like that, Makoto. Now spread those legs apart and tell me to fuck you," he ordered me in the sexiest voice I'd ever heard.

I dropped my thighs apart as far as they could, which wasn't far seeing as how inflexible I was.

"Cute ass hole," he said while laughing, "I finally get a good look at it since its daytime." He leaned over me, "Now tell me, what is it that you want?"

"Fuck me, Sousuke. Fuck me until I can't walk anymore." I didn't care what I sounded like at this point. I was a lost cause as it was. Plus, he seemed insanely amused by all of this. Just look at the equation: Makoto plus horny equals the weirdest fucking sight I think anyone could ever see. For Sousuke though . . . damn, horny was working him wonders.

"Now _that's_ what I like to hear," he said as he plunged inside of me without the slightest shred of hesitation.

I gasped again. It was so sudden. So many of his movements were like that. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my school tie off my bed and bound my hands together, placing them above my head.

After that, he kept thrusting forcefully inside me. No hesitation. His hips were moving at an incredible speed, but every push into me was controlled and concise. Those guys who'd done me before were nothing like this. I don't think they knew how to make sex feel this pleasurable and this painful at the same time.

It hurt more than I could imagine. I was already hurting from last night and this morning, but now it was worse since he hadn't prepared me this time. He felt so huge inside me. He went to depths I'm sure no one else had gone to before. He filled me up so well.

And I loved it. Finally, this guy was giving me what I wanted.

I tuned out all the whines and whimpers and moans coming out of my mouth, and focused my attention on his hot breaths and grunts. He sounded so sexed up, although he was barely breaking a sweat. It's like his body was made for this, made for loving other boys. His eyes were closed, which made me wonder if he was imagining this was Rin underneath him, opening up for him and crying out his name.

I could care less. He's not the one I truly wanted either.

With Sousuke, all I really wanted was his dick, but with **Haru . . . my beautiful blackbird, so far out of reach** . . . I wanted his everything. His lips, his eyes, his hair, his lean frame, his alluring smile, his delicate hands . . . **I was falling again. Over and over . . .** **I keep falling for him.**

But now wasn't the time for that. Now was the time to revert my attention back to the attractive male above me, pinning my hands down with one arm, and touching my erection with the other.

"Shit . . ." he grunted, "this ass. I want to come inside it. Damn it Makoto, moan for me. Tell me you want more. Tell me to fuck you harder."

I pushed my hips upwards so he could slam into me easier and harder. I motioned for him to bring his face towards mine, and I whispered into his ear, "Grab my ass, Sousuke, and fuck my hole like you'd fuck a toy." I licked and bit his earlobe. "Fuck me as hard as those hips can go."

He smirked, "You are such a perfect bitch." He said as he grabbed my waist on both sides and pulled my ass completely off the bed. My rear was resting on his trusting hips while his hands held down my bent legs.

All I could feel then was his hot mass sliding into and out of me. All I heard were his savage grunts and the despicable, slapping noises his hips were making against my rear. I felt high on ecstasy.

It went on like this for a little while longer. My body was so wet with sweat, my stomach specked in white. And Sousuke, he was finally dripping too. His arm and chest muscles looked exceptionally delectable. I'd come twice and convulsed around him since he'd entered me. Whenever he had to, which was quite a few times, he'd pull out for a second and stop, like he was trying to build up as much as his body could offer, in order to spill all he had into me when he couldn't stand to hold up any longer.

"Okay . . ." he breathed out, "that's it. I think I'm going to come . . . shit . . . Makoto-" he made one last forceful thrust into me while holding my ass firmly against him.

After a few seconds of him silently pumping into me, he slowly pulled his dick back. He let out a long sigh and finally opened his eyes to look at me.

We smiled like idiots at each other. We both got what we wanted.

"Well that was nice," he said while pushing his dick in and out of me again, watching downwards intently while his come dripped out of me and covered his length.

"Yeah. It was."

He flashed me one last smile before pulling himself out and walking away towards the bathroom.

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

Awhile later, after I thanked Sousuke for his help and he finally left the house, I realized that Haru and everyone would wonder why I wasn't at school. I expected them to show up later.

I guessed it was time to commence the lying.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: **Wow, I'm not sure how much I liked episode 12 of Free! What about my darling Makoto? Why can't he be happy! : (

Actually, I shouldn't be saying much since he isn't happy in my fanfiction yet either . . . WOOPS. Don't mind me! Enjoy the chapter~

* * *

**The Beginning of the End **

Skinny arms lunged at me the second the door to my bedroom opened.

"Makoto! I was so worried about you! Why weren't you at school today?" Nagisa whined into my shoulder, "Rei was crying like a baby! Weren't you?"

"I DID NO SUCH THING!" Rei shouted from the entrance.

Nagisa grabbed my face on both sides and stared at me like a hawk, "Don't listen to his lies, Makoto. Now tell me why you're at home! Are you sick?" He was shaking my shoulders, trying to force an answer out of me. "I brought you chocolates!"

I fake laughed at him and rubbed at the back of my head, "I just wasn't feeling the best, that's all."

Rei was in my room now. "Makoto, to clear things up, I'm the one who went out and bought you the chocolates. I was forced by that devil on your lap."

"Oh shut it, Rei. You were absolutely terrified when I told you that you wouldn't be able to have your _treat_ tonight. What a dirty boy you are," Nagisa flashed him a suggestive grin.

Rei's face went from red to purple to blue in a matter of 0.004 seconds.

"Ha ha, has your guys' relationship changed that much over the weekend? This is new! Sounds rated R!" I continued to smile like everything was fine. Right now, I could care less about the ins and outs of Nagisa and Rei's obscure relationship.

"Aw," Nagisa made a baby face at Rei, "he wants it so bad! You're so pervy, Rei."

"Please, Nagisa . . . stop it," he mumbled.

"Oh Rei, don't lie to yourself. You like when I talk dirty to you, don't you? When I call you names . . ."

Rei choked on his saliva.

I patted Nagisa's back, "Okay, okay. I think that's enough. I think you just killed him . . ."

We watched from my bed as Rei sank to the ground to wallow in his tears.

Nagisa jumped off my lap and knelt down by the dead man's side, stroking his hair. "There, there, my sweet horny boy, it's alright. Don't cry. Daddy is here now."

_Daddy . . .?_

I seriously wondered how much I didn't know about the two of them. I could only imagine what went on behind closed doors . . .

"Well anyways!" I broke myself away from terrifying thoughts, "Where's Haru?"

Nagisa snatched the chocolate box from Rei's clutches and walked over to hand them to me. "He said he needed to talk to someone and that he'd come right over."

I popped a chocolate into my mouth. It tasted disgusting, but I forced it down nonetheless. "Do you know who?" I asked, although I feared an answer.

He shook his head, "Not really. I think it was some guy who passed us on the way here from school. It kind of looked like Sousuke. You know, that guy on Rin's team, but I wasn't paying much attention. Rei was giving me a hard time about having to go out and buy . . . oh my gosh, Makoto are you alright?"

I stared at the chocolates in my lap. They were all different, an assortment, with different designs and patters and shapes. On the outside, they were so enticing to look at. Open the lid and your mouth will immediately water. You expect perfection, but that's not what you get. On the inside, they're repulsive. Overestimated. Your taste buds are let down and brokenhearted.

And Sousuke had me split open on a silver platter, just like one of those seemingly innocent, yet deceiving chocolates, presented before Haru to judge and humiliate and ridicule.

Was Haru's heart ripping in two right now? Was he disgusted finally knowing his best friend was in love with him? How did he feel hearing about my after-school adventures, knowing I'm a sick whore with nothing going for me except heartbreak and AIDS?

Or . . . what if he didn't even care? What if he was so appalled, he ceased to amuse himself with me?

I hoped I wasn't reading into it too much. I hoped I could trust Sousuke. But I didn't even know anything about him. All I knew about Sousuke was his undying love for Rin and how inhumanly he could use his God-given physical attributes.

_Haru . . . Haru . . . Haru . . . please don't hate me. Don't stop being my friend. Even if he tells you . . . dear god I hope he never tells you . . . your beautiful soul, it doesn't deserve to be tainted with such knowledge. I won't chase you anymore. I'll finally stop. I promise. _

_ Haru, I'll always love you. Even after you've flown away into the world with your beloved Rin. Even after my true self is revealed to you, after I've died a peaceful death, I'll always be in love with you. Even after you're happily married, after you've moved away and found your dream, after the name Makoto Tachibana completely escapes from your memories, I'll still be watching over you. I'll still be in love with you. _

_ Haru . . . I-_

There was a warmth on my hand. I felt a tear fall down my face. "Haru, I'm so sorry."

"Why? What's wrong?"

I looked up at him, or was it an angel? When did he come in? I don't even remember . . .

"Where did Nagisa and Rei go?" I looked around my room. They were nowhere to be found.

Haru sat down next to me. His hand was still on mine. "They went to the kitchen to cook for us. They thought you'd be hungry."

I smiled at the floor. "I can fend for myself you know."

His hand drew back. My hand got cold.

I think my brain blew up working up the courage to say what I said then. I opened my mouth once, but nothing came out. My heart was crying. I tried again, "So Nagisa told me you ran into Sousuke on the way here. How did that go? Did he want anything?"

_I might as well kill myself now. There's knives in the kitchen. Oh wait, I can't even stand up. Thanks Sousuke. I'll just slam my head against the wall. Yep. Sounds like a plan._

Haru tensed up. I could tell. His gaze on the floor got more intense.

_Well, wall, get ready for me. I think my time is up._

"I asked him to, um . . . tell a friend of mine I wouldn't be able to see them today."

I think I choked on some remnants of a chocolate I forgot to swallow. Maybe it was just saliva.

_Thank god he didn't tell him!_

Haru's face whipped to my direction. He looked terrified. He probably suspected I knew his secret. That he was talking about Rin. That I knew all about his private relationship.

He sounded flustered and scared, "It's just- it's just a friend. No one you know! No one important. Or, um-"

My worries were completely gone. My secret was still safe. And he looked so cute trying to lie.

I patted his back and winked at him, "A girl? Wow, Haru, I never would have suspected."

Relief washed over him. He half smiled. "Yeah, a girl."

"She goes to Samezuka then?"

"Yep."

To be honest, I didn't care that we were basically talking about Rin. He ditched Rin to _see me_. I couldn't have been happier.

He quickly changed the subject, "But anyway, you weren't at school today. Are you sick? You look pretty spacey."

"Do I?" I made a note to myself to act as alert as possible from that moment on. "I didn't feel too well this morning. I think I'm sore from so much practice lately."

"That's true, you haven't been at your best. Just rest, I guess. You needed a day to stay in bed."

"I know, I don't even think I can walk!" _Did that sound wrong? Did that give me away?_

He shook his head, "Don't. Nagisa will bring your food in here."

"Thanks for coming to see me today, Haru," I fell back on my bed and smiled at him. "That was thoughtful, what with your new girlfriend and all."

His cheeks flushed pink, "Enough about that."

_So cute._

For a second, I was selfish enough to wish he was blushing because of me.

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

"Why the fuck weren't you at classes today?" Rin glanced up from the magazine he was skimming over.

Sousuke walked into their dorm room and shut the door. He flicked his eyes at Rin, didn't say a word, and retreated up to the top bunk to listen to music.

"Hey!" Rin jumped off the bottom bunk and climbed the ladder after him, "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Sousuke pretended he couldn't hear him.

Rin ripped the earbuds out of his head. "I'm fucking talking to you!"

Sousuke snatched his earbuds back and propped himself up on his elbow. "Shut up. I don't feel like talking right now."

"Why? What were you doing today? I think I deserve to know. You look mad as hell."

"I just didn't feel like going to class today. I was out. Oh, and I ran into Haru. He asked me to tell you he couldn't see you today."

Rin froze. _Shit. Does he know about us? _

"Do you guys practice together or something now?" Sousuke asked, acting like he had no idea. "You rely on him too much."

He watched Rin sigh with relief. _No, Rin, I'm not going to tell you I know about you two. Not yet at least._

"Hah, so what if I rely on him? He's an excellent swimmer. Not better than me of course," Rin boasted, "but I could still learn a thing or two from him. What's it to you anyway? Jealous?"

_No shit I'm jealous. Why the hell did I fall for this self-gratifying, shallow dumbass in the first place? _

Seeing that Sousuke didn't seem to care to answer him, Rin hopped off the ladder and sat back down on his bed. He was uneasy. He was mad. His insides were tearing apart imagining all the reasons why Haru wouldn't want to see him that day.

His mind had been on Haru all day. He had this image of fucking Haru's ass and watching his dick go in and out of him while slapping his perfect cheeks. He wanted to make them red. But hey! Guess not today.

He whispered, not expecting his friend to answer, "Did he say why?"

"What the fuck is so good about him anyway? Stop talking about him already. It's so fucking annoying." Sousuke clenched his teeth. He was so pissed off from hearing Rin mention Haru again after their brief conversation that he couldn't care less that he sounded like a jealous ex-girlfriend.

"Sorry . . ." Rin started, "I guess you think it's weird for me to be asking about another guy. It's just-" He cut himself off.

Sousuke was interested, "It's just what?"

"You know what, we've been friends for long enough. I know you. I might as well just tell you."

"Whoa, dude, what's going on?" Sousuke leaned over the railing. _Don't tell me he's going to admit that he's gay. Would he actually do that?_

Rin looked up at him and smiled slightly, "Just don't judge, or think differently of me, OK?"

_Great. He's going to tell me. Should I be happy, sad, or indifferent? _

"Honestly, Rin. Who do you take me for? I don't think anything you do can come to surprise me anymore. Go ahead."

Rin's smile widened, to the point where a pointy tooth was nearly visible past his lips.

_Damn, he's so hot when he smiles,_ Sousuke thought. That's it. That's why I fell for him. That amazing smile. _I wonder . . . how his teeth would feel against my skin . . . shit. I want him. Go ahead. Tell me you're gay. Admit that you're the same as me. The day you're finally mine, I'll use that knowledge against you, and humiliate you just like I do to Makoto. While you're taking my cock, I'll whisper in your ear how lewd it is that you want men. I can't wait to turn you into a total bottom. _He grinned internally.

"So basically," Rin started while twiddling his thumbs, "I'm uh . . . I'm kind of into guys. Definitely not you! Don't feel awkward. Haru and me . . . we're kind of dating."

"Since when?"

Rin's eyes widened when he glanced back up at Sousuke. "That's it?"

"What?"

"I thought you'd be grossed out or laugh or something."

Sousuke reached his arm over the railing and smacked Rin on the head.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Why the fuck would I be grossed out? You like dudes. So what? I like listening to music. Whoa, that changes so much about our friendship," Sousuke said sarcastically. "I guess we can't be friends anymore."

Rin smiled. His pointed teeth were proudly on display. "Thanks, Sousuke. That means a lot. I just . . . ah, this is weird telling you . . . I just really wanted to see him today, you know?"

Sousuke greatly considered the next thing he was going to say. He could list all the possible outcomes, and a few of them weren't so good. But he sensed that eventually, after letting Rin know a few things, everything would eventually fall into place, at least in his favor.

For the next few hours he said nothing, considering the consequences. For a time, he knew he would be playing the role as the bad guy. He'd be betraying a person who really didn't need to be betrayed at a time like this, when all this person needed now was someone to trust.

_But for a chance to be with Rin . . . I guess I have no choice._

He decided he would tell Rin in the morning. He knew a small part of him would regret it. He felt bad, because he had no idea what would happen to the captain of the Iwatobi Swim Club.

**. . .**

* * *

**. . .**

"Bye Nagisa! Bye Rei! Thank you for everything today, it meant so much to me. You all really are the best friends I could ever have," I said to them as they were gathering their things.

"Oh, Makoto, so are you! Don't worry about a thing. It was no problem! Rei and I both loved cooking for you. Rest up and feel better tomorrow!" Nagisa cheered enthusiastically as he bounded out of my room.

Rei straightened his glasses and followed after him, grumbling, "Except I was the one who did all the cooking. What an ungrateful child that Nagisa is. Tisk tisk. I give you my salutations, Makoto."

"What was that I just heard? It sounded a lot like _no treat tonight_!" Nagisa called from the hallway.

"That bitch," Rei mumbled.

The front door slammed shut soon after. Haru and I were left alone in my room.

I was nervous and happy and scared and content all at the same time. Since realizing my feelings for him, being alone with him felt like home (as always), except now it was like my home had moved to Madagascar or Finland. It was comfortable, yet uneasy. I mean, how are you supposed to feel when you fall in love with your best friend? Awkward as fuck, basically.

Haru stood up from my bed. He grabbed his backpack off the floor, "I should probably get going."

"You should stay! Ren and Ran would love to see you. You're like a second older brother to them." I felt happy thinking about how much they loved seeing Haru. _Just like me._

Haru looked like he was considering, but he still turned me down. "I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on."

I giggled, "You mean you're going to run over to the swimming club to swim in the pool for the next few hours, right?"

"You know me all too well, Makoto," he smiled at me.

_But Haru, do you know me? Have I ever showed my true self to you? Even before I messed myself up . . . when did I ever show you who I really am? When did I ever tell you about my thoughts or my dreams? I guess . . . not ever. I never have. What a shame._

"I'm sorry." The words slipped out.

Haru sighed, walking over to me, "Again with that? Why? Why are you sorry?"

I grabbed his hand, and held it between both of mine. I couldn't look at him. I hung my head down. "I'm just sorry you're friends with someone like me."

He patted my shoulder with his other hand. "I hope you're saying stuff like this because you're sick. That's stupid. Don't even think that."

He pulled his hand away from me and walked out of my room. I heard the front door open and close.

The tears kept streaming down my face long after he left. "Okay, Haru. Okay. I won't."

It was a lie. I would never stop thinking that. I could never be worthy of him.

I hated Haru. I hated him for being so perfect, for being everything I ever wanted in a person. I hated him for making me this way. If I never fell in love with him, I wouldn't have hurt myself the way I have. I wouldn't have become such a twisted, secretive person. I wouldn't have become a gay masochist. I wouldn't have become so many things that I never was before.

**And all of it was because I set out to chase the most charming of blackbirds. **

"How much longer . . . dear god . . . how much longer can I go on like this . . .?"

* * *

**Note:** I just wanted to use this space to thank whoever is reading this. It truly means a lot to me, since this story thus far is depressing as fuck. And sexy, right? Is it sexy? Chapter 3? I hope so. Trust me, there's more sex to come. I wanted to have sexual action in every chapter but UGH I just couldn't with this chap. I have to get the plot across. (Ew. Plot. Who cares about plot?)

Oh and let me know if this chapter put you off, because I hate it. I wont take offense.

P.S. Yaoi is sick. Who the hell would write that kind of stuff? (LOOOL)


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